The Mattwood Bum Note Bandit – by Dave Clifford (Mattwood Technical Director)   Forget Dulci-Glo, Brummipluck and all those inferior products from our rival company…..This is the ultimate dulcimer accessory, and it comes to you from a source you know you can trust……Mattwood Dulcimers. Our technicians have been working hard for many months now to perfect this incredible invention. “What is it?” I hear you cry…. Well it’s the Mattwood Bum Note Bandit. This device will banish all those unwanted notes from your playing so that you can play a tune with complete confidence, knowing that every note is perfect and correct. Now that I have your attention I’ll briefly describe to you how it works.   The kit makes use of the latest developments in computer technology. The basic kit comprises of 2 cable looms, a pair of under-arm sensors, 1 pair of hammer connectors with special adaptors (more on these later), A back-pack strap harness to mount an existing laptop computer, ergonomically designed to fit unobtrusively to people of any shape or size, a CD containing the software plus 2000 of the most popular dulcimer tunes and a comprehensive 1000 page user guide. For those of you who don’t possess a laptop, don’t worry, Mattwood have catered for you too, see the ‘Extras’ section below.   When your kit arrives, beautifully packed you’ll notice, the first thing to do is to thoroughly read through the user guide. This should take no more than a week, so now you’re ready to install it. Take the large cable loom. It’s in two sections. You’ll notice that one end has a 25 pin ‘D’ connector. This plugs in to the ‘printer’ port of your laptop. The larger cable terminates in a series of colour coded connectors. There are enough to cater for up to 15-14, 2 strings per course dulcimers. For other types we can make special arrangements. Following the pull-out chart, push these connectors on to the tuning pins of your dulcimer.  The thinner cable connects to your hammers. Begin by attaching the small sensors to the hammer heads, using the supplied double sided tape. Make sure you follow the diagram as positioning is critical to ensure reliable operation. Then run the cable down your sleeve and connect the free end to the hammer sensors.  Using the supplied toupee tape, position the 2 armpit sensors in your armpits (Try and make sure they’re dry, we are dealing with electricity here!! You may need to shave a small area to ensure intimate contact, but the men should be OK) and connect the other end to the serial port on your laptop. You’re almost ready to go!!!! Connect the ‘D’ plug to the printer port, put in the CD, select the tunes that you’re going to perform and set the tempo from the easy to use menu system, slide the laptop in to your back harness and away you go.   Now comes the ‘techie’ part.  Just position your hammers over the bottom string, then the top string momentarily so that the software can ‘tune’ itself to your instrument and then start playing. It's as simple as that. You’ll be amazed at the apparent ease with which you now play, leaving you totally free to smile seductively at your audience. If you attempt to hit a wrong note the software kicks in instantaneously. The sensors under your armpits detect your horizontal and vertical arm movements so the software knows where your hammers are at all times. As your hammer descends towards the bum note a current is fed down the cable to that particular string, via the tuning peg connector, and magnetises it as a North Pole. Simultaneously, the small coil attached to your hammer is energised to also become a North Pole. Now those of you who remember your school science classes will know that ‘like’ poles repel, ‘unlike’ poles attract. You’re catching on!!  The hammer is immediately forced away from the bum note. The software is constantly monitoring the performance and knows where you are in the tune and which note you should be hitting and so it now energises the correct string to be a South Pole, and lo and behold the hammer is pulled swiftly on to the correct note. Now early in the design process we realised that we had a problem….You dulcimer players will know that to get a ‘good’ note the string has to be hit very briefly, almost a flick, to produce a sweet note, but it didn’t take our techies long to suss this out so what happens is that as the hammer is pulled on to the string, the current in the coil on the hammer head is reversed making the hammer now a South Pole too. This flicks the hammer away again, thus achieving the required effect. Simple isn’t it?? Just like all the best inventions. So go to it…amaze your audience, they’ll never know your secret.   Extras:   For those not possessing a laptop you can purchase the Mattwood Valve model. We thought long and hard about this and decided that the valve model was a better option than the more widely used integrated circuit designs, as the heat from the valves has a healing, calming effect on your back. This relaxes you and further enhances your performance.   For those among you who want to pluck your dulcimer, Mattwood has thought of you too. Instead of the hammer head coils we can supply a pair of metal finger picks, similar to the banjo ones, with the coils built in, plus a special interactive pair of armpit sensors. The software is different too, in that it instigates the plucking action by energising the armpit sensor causing an involuntary twitch of your arm, and hence plucks the string. (Don't confuse this superior design with other cheap imitations)   For those of you with a technical bent, we can supply extra software to enable you to encode your own choice of music. It includes helpful get-you-started sections on rap, indy, garage, hip-hop plus many more traditional types of music.   Contact Mattwood Dulcimers today to arrange a trial....You won't be disappointed!! Watch out for our forthcoming mountain dulcimer packs too. Coming soon.....our Super Deluxe version for the discerning player where money is no object, featuring a Global Positioning Satellite System to accurately detect the position of your hammers to within 1/2mm.