The Dulci-Glo Saga - Part 4

edited by Dave Clifford

The sorry tale doesn't end there.....Several people were electrocuted, or found that their hair was standing bolt upright (some poor unfortunate, sexually deprived men tried to wire other parts of their anatomy to the Ducliglo, hoping for similar effects, but the results were horrific). In late 1999 this advert appeared in Nonsuch News:-

 

Calling all Dulciglo owners - Banish Y2k bug misery with Eezifix 2000 To continue to enjoy the benefits of your dulciglo into the next millennium*, you will need to make a small adjustment. Here are your Eezifix 2000 instructions Firstly, remove the anterior docking sprocket trunnion locator spigot using a bicycle tyre lever (size 7 only). Inside, locate the position of the motherboard jumper lead socket and unsolder the connection to pin 52B using a normal household argon arc welder, being careful to leave the other pins ice cold. Then, turn the lower starboard binnacle gimbal camshaft belt spark ignition timing adjuster vernier protractor wheel through precisely 17 degrees anticlockwise. You may need a class 1 laser device to set this accurately enough, but you can borrow the one from inside your CD player. All you have to do now is to wait until exactly the stroke of midnight on Dec 31st and give the micro-thin ceramic diode valve a sharp tap with a four pound lump hammer (being careful not to damage it) and that's it! Simple! Footnote: You may find you have a small screw and a washer inexplicably left over when you have finished. This is normal. *models dulciglo 2000 and dulciglo millennium cannot be upgraded for y2k and will need to be replaced. A special upgrade offer to dulciglo 3000 royale is available for a limited period at the mega-discount price of £3456.78 plus VAT. P&P free to residents of Rutland County.

Desperate owners thought that perhaps here was salvation, but again it proved to be another product from Hell. Then in a last ditch attempt to salvage some scrap of credibility, in early 2002 Dulciglo launched this product:-

This one was worse than the others. Many would be pluckers (I think I spelt that right...) lost the ends of their fingers. So be warned... The evidence is plain to see. Ignore all these inferior products and stick to those from a well-known, trusted family run business, Mattwood Dulcimers. Rush out and buy the Bum Note Bandit, described on the next page.